We all have annoying habits, right? Well, that's what I want to talk about on tonight's blog. I've made a list of my annoying habits. Hopefully, this proves to be cathartic and helpful to "cure" some of these habits. But at the very least, it should let those around me know that, yes, I am aware of the aggravating ticks I have and would love to change them.
1. Superlatives - I wear them out. There is something about my excitable nature that prevents me from viewing life in perspective. Instead, I make mountains out of tiny, little mole hills. I'm sure it is a derivative of the insecurity I feel over my own opinions, but I can't help myself. I don't just like things, I LOVE them. The bad part is that when I tell other people about the things I'm currently obsessing over, I exclaim them to be the "best." I overuse words like amazing, hilarious, genius, or, legendary. It's like everything I see is the equivalent of that "Christmas morning" feeling, where you run downstairs to the tree to find the best presents EVER!!!! The bad part is that my attention span also equates to what happens to Christmas toys a month later when they are jammed in to the bottom of the toy box with every other toy that wore out it's welcome.
Maybe I'm a product of my generation. Our exposure to life is like drinking from a fire hose. Maybe, it's a sign of a lack of maturity. Whatever it is, I'm amazing at it. hehe
2. Numbers - I mentioned in an earlier posting about my fascination with the numbers 6, 16, and 36. This is an annoying habit that only really affects me, but I'll list it anyway. Every since I was much younger, I've always had a warm feeling about those three numbers. They feel right. They feel whole and well balanced. Yeah, I know I sound like I'm ready for a straight jacket, but I'm praying that someone else out there has had a similar issue. Don't ask me why it's just those three numbers, I have no idea. It's not sequential, otherwise 26 would be in the club too.
My love of these three numbers is not the annoying thing, it's what they force me to do.....everyday. When I walk down the sidewalk, I have to adjust the length of my stride so that I have either 6 or 16 steps in between the cracks. The only reason 36 isn't a part of this one is that I would have to take some crazy small steps, or walk on a really weird sidewalk. But that's not the end of it; oh no. I also take car license plate numbers and attempt to add, subtract, multiply, or divide them to end up with 6, 16, or 36. This type of concentration does not lend itself to safe driving conditions. There are a few more ways in which I'm tormented by them, but none more than my finger thingy. If I catch myself far away in thought and tapping my fingers on my desk, it has to be done in the appropriate sequence.
And yes, there is an appropriate finger-tapping sequence. In fact, there are two. Number one is a four finger method that alternates rolling index to pinky then pinky to index four times to reach the desired 16 taps. However, the final four taps must go pinkey-ring-index-middle, because I must always conclude this nonsense with the middle finger. Don't ask why. The second sequence is a five finger evolution that starts with the middle finger rolling away from the center and back inward three times to reach fifteen, then tapping the middle once more for the desired objective. Yes, I know......
3. Grammar Nazi - I can't help but be a jerk about this one. I'm talking about pet peeves galore. I know I don't use perfect grammar, but it drives me NUTS to hear adults speak like two year-olds.
4. Music Snob - I know art is subjective, but I can not control my vitriol when it comes to poor music taste. Case in point: I threatened to stab my friend, yes friend, to death because of his love for Kid Rock. I swear, if I would've had a sharp object handy when he exclaimed "Come on man, he's a great performer," I'd be in Angola right now. I bite my lip every day when someone on facebook inevitably quotes some ridiculous song lyric that speaks to them so deeply. Yeah, the gentle words of Taylor Swift guide me daily too!
5. Nose hair - This is another one of those habits that really only apply to my own mental prison. Why Jamey? Why don't you just break down and spend $15 on a decent nose hair trimmer? I get it. Either God or genetics played a pretty funny trick by transferring my ability to grow hair from my head to my nostrils. But do I tend this field like a normal grown man. No, I wait until they are driving me crazy, usually while driving, and try to jerk them out by hand. For you ladies out there who may not be able to understand the pain I'm describing here, let me explain. Imagine how it would feel to bikini wax behind your eyeball. Is that graphic enough for you. The one upside is that I'm able to keep my car on the road as I scream, tear up, and sneeze incessantly following a good plucking.
There. That's a good start to my list of annoying habits. Stay tuned for more to follow.
You're insane :-D!
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